My first meeting

The following Patterns and Characteristics are offered as a tool to aid self-evaluation, which may be particularly helpful to newcomers. In CoDA, we identify 5 main patterns: Denial, Low Self Esteem, Compliance, Control and Avoidance.

These are some characteristics:

Codependents often…

• perceive themselves as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.
• attempt to convince others what to think, do or feel.
• freely offer advice and direction without being asked.
• compromise their own values and integrity to avoid rejection and other people’s anger.
• judge harshly what others think, say, or do.
• do not perceive themselves as lovable or worthwhile persons.
• have difficulty identifying what they are feeling.
• put aside their own interests in order to do what others want.

From Am I Codependent (PDF)

A typical meeting

You will be very welcomed at the meeting. Some meetings have greeters at the door, and there is always tea, coffee, and biscuits available before, during and after meetings.

Meetings typically begin with either the Serenity Prayer or the CoDA Opening Prayer.

In some online meetings, participants may choose to sign in using just their first name and the initial of their surname.

Typically, the four ‘foundational documents’ – the CoDA Preamble, Welcome, and the CoDA Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions – are read, with some meetings also including additional readings.

Some meetings rotate formats, featuring speakers one week, a reading or Step study the next, followed by a topic or Tradition study. Time is usually set aside for sharing and reflection, though there’s no obligation to speak; many people simply prefer to listen.

Many meetings have a designated newcomer rep who is available for support, and all meetings include dedicated sharing time. After the meeting, there is usually 5-10 minutes for fellowship and additional questions. Often, people may continue the conversation by going out for tea or coffee together.

A ‘Seventh Tradition’ donation is collected to help cover expenses like literature and rent, but there’s no obligation to contribute.

Anyone who wishes to attend a Codependents Anonymous meeting is welcome to attend.

“The only requirement for membership in CoDA is a desire for healthy and loving relationships”.

Co-Dependents Anonymous, Tradition Three

There is no need to register. You can just drop in. Meeting information can be found on the CoDA UK site. A group contact can provide you with additional information.

There is no charge. CoDA meetings are self supporting. Contribute as you are able. CoDA accepts no advertising and no sponsorship by any outside entity.

If a meeting is an ‘open’ meeting, and most are, you are welcome to bring a friend or family member

CoDA is a 12-step fellowship that provides peer support. We do not offer professional advice or serve as a substitute for counselling. Members share their personal experiences and paths to recovery.

The No-Crosstalk Rule
“Basically, any sharing which is not simply one’s sharing honestly about themselves.”

“Crosstalk happens when you interrupt, or turn into a therapist/parent/advisor by telling the person what they should do, or get into a conversation about what the other person is talking about.”
From Experiences with Crosstalk (Sample) (Buy booklet)

You will have the option to share if you choose, but it is not mandatory. Newcomers often share their reasons for attending. Some meetings offer dedicated groups for newcomers. Most sharing lasts 2 to 3 minutes, and we do not provide comments or advice.

The CoDA programme is regarded as ‘spiritual’ in the broadest sense, because it focuses on inner personal growth and transformation. Members come from diverse backgrounds, including various religious faiths, as well as agnostic or atheist perspectives. Everyone is welcome in CoDA.

Anonymity is a fundamental principle of our fellowship. Our identities and personal sharing remain confidential within the group. Tradition Twelve emphasises that by not placing focus on individual identities, we create a space dedicated to recovery. At the conclusion of each meeting, we are reminded: “Who you see here, what is said here, when you leave here, let it stay here.”