Category: Recovery

Codependent communication is caused by one primary force: fear and the need to control it. Fear is the great repressor of the human spirit and the hidden culprit behind many of our damaging beliefs about others and ourselves. Fear masquerades as truth and holds us in a false belief that we are unworthy, and others’ reactions will destroy us.

Our communication patterns often reflect our fear. For example, when we are with angry people, we may “walk on eggshells.” If this approach is a conscious choice to take care of ourselves, then that’s OK. However, in some situations with angry people, we may discover that we have been habitually irresponsible or dishonest with ourselves and others, using manipulative “weasel” words when we communicate. These are expressions such as “I’m not sure,” (when we are) or “maybe” (when we know it’s “definitely”) or “I’m sorry,” (when we’re really not), or “I guess,” (when we’re not guessing at all). With any of the above expressions, we may or may not be aware of our true feelings. If we are aware but are not being verbal and honest, then we are being controlled by our fear. If we are not aware of our true feelings, then such expressions may allow us to continue to stay out of touch with those feelings.

Weasel words soften the blow of our feelings and opinions and allow us to hedge our bets, and thereby, control other people’s reactions. In some cases, such expressions also allow us to avoid facing our own wants and desires and never know our true feelings. It’s incredible to think about, but it is possible to spend one’s whole life saying, “I’m not sure,” “I don’t know what to do,” or “I’ve got mixed feelings.” Sometimes, we may really not know what to do or really have mixed feelings and that’s OK. However, we must be careful that we are being honest with ourselves.

If we look closely at the feelings and attitudes behind most codependent communication, we discover a host of fears, fears of commitment, shame, a core belief in our own lack of worth, or others’ anger and abandonment.

The major problem with this unhealthy communication is that we dishonor ourselves. Every time we fail to honor our precious thoughts and feelings for the sake of pleasing others, we sell ourselves out as well. Our true selves may be in pain, or furious, but we walk around with plastic smiles on our faces.

Developing healthier communication habits is a process. One excellent way to begin working on this aspect of our recovery is by doing a written Fourth Step inventory of our communication history. If we do this, we may discover that many of our codependent verbal habits were learned from our families or in relationships with damaging, significant others. This inventory process may be painful, but it is also exciting, empowering, and has helped many recovering codependents make great strides in developing healthier, more loving relationships.

Many codependents from dysfunctional families have experienced overt or covert verbal abuse. Some useful questions to consider as we review our personal history include the following: Did our parents practice unhealthy communication? Were they dishonest with one another or their children? Did they lie to themselves or others on a regular basis? Did they rage or swear or tell us that “you’ll never amount to anything?” Or was the verbal abuse more covert and subtle? Did we see verbal people-pleasing going on to control or take care of people’s feelings? Were things kept hidden? Were there family secrets? Did seemingly harmless, but subtly stabbing, sarcasm rule the day? Did people often say, “I’m sorry” or “I was only joking” as justifications after the barbs had been flung? Are we using any of these verbal tactics today in our own lives or allowing others to use them with us?

If we review the communication habits that once protected us, we might find that many of them still haunt us today. Once we have identified the internal and external voices that are still damaging us, we can stop empowering them and start replacing them with healthier choices. As we continue our Fourth Step, we may find that other adolescent and adult experiences have influenced our communication patterns. After looking at our entire history through a Fourth Step inventory, it is useful to share our insights in a Fifth Step with a sponsor or other trusted friend. This helps improve our awareness of the ways in which our current communication patterns still affect our lives today. Also, this sharing gives us practice communicating in a healthier manner with a safe person.

As the Steps teach us, learning to change our codependent habits begins with acceptance, a willingness to change, and then action. We can’t change what we don’t know. Furthermore, all the insights in the world won’t help unless we want to change and actually do it. As noted earlier, we can begin this process by working the Steps, but this time focusing specifically on our communication patterns. If we work all Twelve Steps in light of our verbal habits, we discover how well each Step can be applied to our communication history and patterns. The most important point to remember is that these patterns have been learned, and they can be unlearned. Our verbal habits may have run our lives for years and protected us around unsafe people, but today we can let go of them and walk through the discomfort that comes with changing old behaviours.

• Listen carefully to our own thoughts and feelings.
• Sometimes delay our immediate responses to questions/comments to give ourselves time to think and feel.
• Monitor ourselves for weasel words as we speak.
• Prepare for difficult conversations ahead of time, yet be open for spontaneity.
• Use CoDA or personal affirmations when we’re feeling the “codependent crazies.”
• Note self-effacing language such as “I just,” “I guess,” “I think,” and “I only.”
• Know that if we change our minds about previous decisions, we can verbalize our current thoughts, if we need to.
• Practice using different response words and expressions; for example, are we always “fine?”
• Watch for “bargaining” patterns; for example, “I can’t today, but I’ll try tomorrow,” (when we know that tomorrow won’t be any better either).
• Speak slowly, firmly, and clearly when drawing boundaries.
• Avoid justifying or explaining ourselves, even when we feel a compulsion to do so.
• Notice how words such as “should” and “ought” may be controlling us.
• Note whether we try to control others with our words, tone, volume, or nonstop talk, or if we allow others to control us with similar verbal tactics.
• Speak lovingly with others, our Higher Power, and ourselves.
• Add our own personal patterns to this list.

Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends
upon CoDA unity.

Our First Tradition reminds us that without the strength of our CoDA Fellowship, we do not recover on our own; CoDA’s existence depends on CoDA unity. We need the continuity of our common bonds, such as literature, meeting format, the Steps, the Traditions and recovery tools and concepts. We come together, in unity, to help
each other recognize that we are not alone in our recovery. Each member is a unique part of a greater whole. We value every individual’s experience, strength and hope.

For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving
Higher Power as expressed to our group conscience. Our leaders are
but trusted servants; they do not govern.

In CoDA, our ultimate authority comes from a power greater than ourselves. We call this power our “group conscience.” A group conscience is the collective expression of every member’s loving Higher Power. The group conscience provides guidance for all CoDA
groups in an atmosphere of safety, respect and acceptance. No individual is an authority in a CoDA group. At all levels of service, members are responsible to carry out the decisions made through the group conscience process.

The only requirement for membership in CoDA is a desire for healthy and loving relationships.

This Tradition gives hope to all who suffer from codependency. We are members of this organization when we say we are. Membership in CoDA is self-determined by a personal desire to experience loving
and healthy relationships.

Each group should remain autonomous except in matters
affecting other groups or CoDA as a whole.

As long as a group follows the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, and reads the preamble and welcome as written, it may be recognized as a part of CoDependents Anonymous. After meeting these requirements, each group is responsible to its membership through the group conscience process. Each group has the obligation to make responsible decisions regarding its own affairs. In the spirit of unity, each CoDA group needs to be accountable for its decisions and
actions which affect CoDA as a whole.

Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry its message to other codependents who still suffer.

We carry the message of recovery from codependence to those of us who still suffer, sharing our experience, strength, and hope. We are diligent in keeping this as our primary spiritual aim.

A CoDA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the CoDA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim.

CoDA groups do not use the CoDA name to promote or support any outside author or written material, organization, therapy, religion, political group, charity, business or financial enterprise. When we use any facility for meetings or events, we pay for its use, implying no
affiliation. We actively protect ourselves from matters that might otherwise divert us from our main spiritual goal: recovery
from code-pendency.

Every CoDA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

CoDA groups encourage responsibility in financial matters, such as paying for meeting room space, literature and refreshments. We maintain treasuries through voluntary contributions from members only. After the group meets its own needs and obligation, it is suggested that excess funds over and above a prudent reserve be distributed to the larger communities of CoDA: local, state,
regional, provincial, national or international. Co-Dependents Anonymous does not accept large contributions from any individual, nor do we accept money, space or services from non-CoDA sources. Thus, we maintain accountability and independence.

Co-Dependents Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional,
but our service centers may employ special workers.

In CoDA, no one is paid to share experience, strength and hope, whether at meetings, as sponsors, or in any other Twelve Step related activity. Professionals attending CoDA meetings do so as members only, and do not use the Fellowship to further their business interests. Our service centers may hire member or non-member employees
for business needs. We may reimburse service related expenses, when financially possible, to those who serve the Fellowship.

CoDA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create
service boards or committees directly responsible to those they
serve.

CoDA groups need the least possible organization that can accomplish our service responsibilities. We are organized through our service structure. We rely upon the spiritual leadership of a loving Higher Power as expressed through the group conscience at all service levels, as opposed to rigid organization. Positions of leadership need to be regularly rotated. By doing so, we welcome the active flow of new ideas and energy to service. Our service structure consists of volunteers from the Fellowship who act in CoDA’s
best interests by reflecting the group conscience of CoDA as a whole. All CoDA members have an opportunity to offer service as a vital part of their recovery.

CoDA has no opinion on outside issues; hence, the CoDA name
ought never be drawn into public controversy.

Our sole purpose is recovery from codependency through working the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. CoDA groups and members refrain from linking the CoDA name to our personal opinions on any outside issue or organization, including politics, religion, other self-help groups, therapeutic concepts, recovery centers, businesses, literature or causes. If we identify ourselves as members of the
Fellowship, then we remain neutral on all public matters. We have no authority to speak for CoDA as a whole, and we disengage from controversial issues.

Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

CoDA groups and members do not advertise or promote the Fellowship; the experience, strength and hope of members speaks for itself. Our announcements to the public supply necessary meeting information, such as time, day and location. Relations with the media
are handled through appropriate service entities, such as public information committees or Fellowship Services. In meetings, we identify ourselves by first names only. However, members may choose to shed their anonymity at a personal level. We make our meeting information and literature available to the community

Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions; ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

Anonymity has profound spiritual value. Since we focus on building self-worth, we cannot afford personal quests for power or prestige. We are constantly reminded to look beyond our egos and personalities toward the higher issues of recovery. Anonymity challenges us to practice true humility and reminds us that the principles of the CoDA program transcend any individual.

Healthy meetings are an integral part of the CoDA Fellowship, providing us with a safe space to learn about recovery. Recovery does not happen in isolation. CoDA’s Tradition One states, “Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon CoDA unity.”

A CoDA meeting is comprised of a group of people who come together around their shared desire for healthy and loving relationships. The group uses the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Co-Dependents Anonymous as the basis for working toward recovery. It is a place to find sponsorship and fellowship as well as the sharing of experience, strength, and hope. A
strong sense of acceptance and community makes a meeting attractive to both the newcomer and old-timer.

The sense of community and belonging, a gift of our program, begins at the group meeting level. A CoDA meeting is more than a place to tell our troubles. It is a place to identify with people like ourselves and to interact with people focused on similar goals—to develop and maintain healthy and loving relationships. Meetings also provide an opportunity to learn about ourselves by interacting with those who are different from us.

A CoDA meeting depends on all who attend. It does not belong to any one person or small group. Because working the CoDA program is a spiritual practice, we learn to rely on a loving Higher Power to guide our group. We come to this understanding by attending meetings regularly, asking our Higher Power for guidance, and engaging with our CoDA peers as equals. Attending meetings, listening to others, and speaking our truth are important aspects of our spiritual journey. When members truly share this journey, it
creates healthy CoDA meetings.

CoDA meetings remain strong when they have the ongoing participation of longterm members who demonstrate the qualities of acceptance and community. Members are encouraged to create fellowship outside of the meeting by going for coffee or attending CoDA events such as picnics, potlucks, or camp outs.

In Building CoDA Community: Healthy Meetings Matter, we discuss the characteristics of healthy CoDA meetings, the obstacles meetings may face, ways to address them, and the vital need for a service structure.

There are many components that contribute to safe, strong, and healthy meetings. The following recommendations are based on the experience of long-standing meetings. Each is simple by itself. Together, they help create a space where codependents practice spiritual recovery.

Recommendations

Register the meeting with CoDA, Inc. at http://www.coda.org.* The CoDA
meeting will then be listed on the worldwide meeting list at coda.
org. So that meeting information remains current, update yearly.

• Use a consistent meeting format. A suggested CoDA format is
  available online and in the Meeting Starter Packet.
• At every meeting, read, as written, CoDA’s four foundational
  documents: the Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions, Welcome, and
  Preamble.*
• Read the “CoDA Guide to Sharing” and “What is Crosstalk?”
• Recognize and welcome newcomers and invite them to return.
• Announce that newcomers can ask questions after the meeting.
• Ask members who are willing to be temporary sponsors to raise
  their hands.
• Announce upcoming CoDA events.
• Use CoDA Conference endorsed literature during meetings.
• Have sample CoDA literature and CoRe** literature order forms
  available.
• Have CoDA literature available for sale.
• Respect CoDA; refrain from photocopying copyrighted material.
• Maintain copies of current meeting lists.
• Display “For Safety Sake” tent sign during meetings. The sign is
  included in the middle of this booklet and on coda.org. It may be
  copied for use during CoDA meetings.
• Keep meeting location and times consistent. Start and end on time.
• Rotate the privilege of chairing the meeting among all regular attendees.
• Hold business meetings regularly—monthly suggested.
• Select trusted servants as needed (i.e. treasurer, key carrier, etc.) and
  rotate these responsibilities on a regular basis among members.
• Learn about and participate in the larger CoDA community.
• Support other CoDA groups and events.
• Keep current copies of the Fellowship Service Manual (FSM) and
  Meeting Starter Packet (MSP) available for reference.
• Use our website, http://www.coda.org, as a resource.

*items define official CoDA meetings
**CoDA Resource Publishing, Inc. (CoRe) is the publishing arm of CoDA

The following are requirements for recognized CoDA meetings:

Register the meeting with (Codauk.org in the UK)

Read, as written, the four foundational documents.

CoDA Conference endorsed literature is written by CoDA members for CoDA members. It includes any written or audio material created by members of Co-Dependents Anonymous that is approved by the CoDA Service Conference (CSC) using the group conscience process. Since “Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions” (Tradition Twelve), all CoDA literature is published anonymously. The use of CoDA literature supports Tradition One by uniting the Fellowship and Tradition Five by carrying a consistent message of hope to still suffering codependents.

Sharing focused on the Steps, Traditions, and topics found in CoDA literature helps members grow together in the program. Many CoDA groups use our basic text, Co-Dependents Anonymous, informally known as “The CoDA Book,” and/or the In This Moment Daily Meditation Book during meetings. Other popular titles are The CoDA Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions Workbook, Twelve Steps Handbook, Newcomers Handbook, and Experiences in Crosstalk.

By making our collective experience, strength, and hope available to all members, Conference endorsed literature benefits the Fellowship. Reading CoDA literature between meetings helps build a sense of connection to the program. A well-stocked literature table creates a sense of CoDA’s history and provides a wealth of recovery materials on a wide range of CoDA topics.

The sale of CoDA literature helps CoDA remain “fully self-supporting,” as stated in Tradition Seven. The CoDA Literature Committee (CLC) encourages new projects that fill a need in CoDA’s inventory of literature. Ideas for new topics are passed along from individual meetings to the CoDA Service Conference (CSC)
through their Voting Entity, or by direct submission to lit@coda.org.

Sponsorship provides a relationship within which codependents learn to integrate the CoDA Steps and Traditions into their lives. Healthy sponsorship in CoDA is the antithesis of a codependent relationship. It is an equal partnership in which sponsor and sponsee can explore and practice recovery behaviors. Sponsorship provides a rich arena for both parties to learn to share without becoming enmeshed, without dictating, and without taking things personally. Sponsors impart the experience, strength, and hope they have garnered in working and studying the Steps and Traditions. A sponsor listens
intently and patiently. A healthy sponsorship relationship helps build trust.

An important aspect of sponsoring is passing on the institutional memory of our Fellowship. A sponsor may share information about the structures of the local, regional, and worldwide communities of the CoDA Fellowship. A sponsor also plays an important role in sharing about the culture of CoDA—for instance, how meetings are conducted, the protocol of behavior in a sharing group, and the harmfulness of crosstalk.

Sponsoring relationships benefit the group as well as the individuals
involved. Sponsees who spend time with their sponsors between CoDA meetings benefit from this relationship. The benefits extend into the group. Having one-on-one time with a sponsor outside of the meeting gives sponsees the opportunity to do Step work and to share feelings in greater depth than is possible during the meeting. This experience helps sponsees to share more succinctly during the meeting. Sponsorship relationships promote growth for both partners and help to improve the overall health of the group. Members who have sponsors are more likely to become sponsors, thus increasing sponsorship within CoDA.

The focus in sponsorship is working the CoDA program, which includes doing service. The CoDA group benefits when members participate in service work and become sponsors themselves. A key ingredient to being a good sponsor is having a sponsor. Participating in sponsorship builds CoDA community and promotes unity. Healthy sponsorship builds healthy meetings.

For more in-depth information, please refer to CoDA’s current literature on sponsorship.

Healthy sharing creates healthy meetings; healthy meetings encourage
healthy sharing. Sharing is an integral part of meetings. Sharing gives CoDA members the time and space to be heard and to hear others speak their truth.

Sharing is not meant to educate, impress, or influence others. The aim of sharing is for individuals to look within and say what is in their hearts, and then to sit quietly, listening as others do the same.

Group conscience determines the order of sharing in the meeting. For example, in some groups members sit in a circle and share in order around the circle; in some groups members speak as they are ready in no particular order. Large meetings may choose to break up into smaller sharing groups. Regardless of the chosen style, there is no requirement that a member share. Simply saying, “I pass,” is enough. This safeguards the member and allows others in the group to move forward with their sharing. The self-discipline of each member taking only a fair share of the time available contributes to the health of a meeting.

Here are some strategies groups have found helpful in promoting healthy sharing:

Explain and observe the no-crosstalk rule. Crosstalk is giving
advice, interrupting, responding to or directly commenting on
another’s share, touching, and other types of behaviors as determined by the group conscience. Crosstalk can be effectively handled
during meetings with the help of the chairperson or experienced
members. However, anyone in a CoDA meeting can address crosstalk, using “I” statements. For example, “I feel uncomfortable when
side conversations are going on while someone is sharing.” For
more information, see the CoDA handbook, Experiences with
Crosstalk.

• Encourage the use of “I” statements; i.e. “I feel sad,” or “I feel
  angry.”
• Display signs to remind members about sharing guidelines. For
  example, see “For Safety Sake” on page 7.
• Keep the focus on sharing individual experience, strength, and hope.
• If there is a topic, members focus on the topic to the best of their
  abilities.
• In order to ensure enough time for all who wish to share, some
  meetings set a time limit.

I use “I” statements when sharing. (I feel; I believe.)
I share my own experience, strength, and hope—no one else’s.
I refrain from commenting on what others share.
I share for three to five minutes, keeping the focus on myself.
I help myself and others by being emotionally present and honest.
I let others experience their own feelings; I keep my advice to myself.

CoDA is structured according to the Twelve Traditions. The Fourth Tradition gives each group the freedom to choose its own structure, which is determined by group conscience at the group’s business meetings. Some structural decisions to be made include: What guidelines will be used for sharing? How might the meeting deal with crosstalk? How will newcomers be greeted and integrated? How will collecting Seventh Tradition donations, ordering literature, and other pertinent issues be handled? When will regular business meetings take place? What are the group’s financial needs? How will those needs be met? The CoDA Meeting Starter Packet provides a wealth of information and guidelines on meeting structure.

Decisions are made in CoDA through a process of thoughtful discussion called group conscience. In this process, every member present has voice and vote. With the help of a loving Higher Power, members open their minds to all viewpoints presented and then cast a vote for the one seen as best for CoDA.

A group conscience decision grows out of the combined wisdom of the whole group. While every person has the right to express opinions, the group conscience determines the particular course of action. A group conscience discussion may be over quickly if everyone agrees. In other cases, sharing may continue for an extended time, as people discuss the issue in terms of several different Traditions. For some questions, group members may want to announce in advance that a specific issue will be addressed atthe next business meeting. Ideally, during the group conscience discussion,
members reach a consensus. If they do not, then a vote is taken and the majority reflects the group conscience.

Group conscience is about putting aside the “self” and looking to a loving Higher Power for guidance. We demonstrate our openness to the will of our Higher Power by accepting the outcome even when we disagree. This is a humbling process—one that is new for many of us. “For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving Higher Power as expressed to our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern” (Tradition Two).

Through the group conscience, we establish healthier ways of relating to one another: we create boundaries for the group, learn to compromise, and resolve conflicts. Learn more about the group conscience process in the Fellowship Service Manual (FSM) on the CoDA website (www.coda.org).

Healthy CoDA meetings hold regular business meetings. Many groups find it convenient to schedule their business meeting monthly, before or after the regular meeting. The dates and times of business meetings are announced ahead of time so that members can plan to attend. Business meetings are open to all CoDA members, and any CoDA member who is present may participate in the group conscience. The greater the input, the more the decisions made will reflect the needs of the group.

Business meetings have a facilitator, or chairperson. This is usually a member who has some time in the CoDA program and who is familiar with the CoDA Traditions. Generally, there is a treasurer’s report and a secretary’s report, a review of decisions made at the last meeting, and discussion of any new issues or concerns.

A wide range of issues may be addressed. Anything that affects the functioning of the CoDA meeting is appropriate. A group may need to elect a trusted servant, such as a new treasurer or a group service representative (GSR) to the local intergroup or voting entity. A group might discuss and decide which literature to buy. There may be questions about the meeting format: “Will we set time limits on sharing?” “Will we give welcome chips to newcomers?” Questions about the no-crosstalk guidelines or other ideas may be fully explored at a business meeting, rather than taking time during the regular meeting.

Business meetings provide a forum for concerns to be aired and resolved. Sometimes it is best to have an initial discussion the month an issue is raised and wait until the next business meeting to arrive at a group conscience. Group issues are decided by members within the framework of our Fourth Tradition: “Each group should remain autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or CoDA as a whole.”

Our Seventh Tradition requires that CoDA meetings and service groups be fully self-supporting. One way a meeting or group supports itself is financially. Another way is through service work. Both are crucial to the survival and growth of CoDA. To be financially self-supporting, CoDA groups look only to members for funding. Accepting contributions from individuals or organizations outside of CoDA violates Tradition Seven.

Groups are financially self-supporting when they:

1. Donate regularly to the larger CoDA communities, as recommended
   in the Fellowship Service Manual (FSM).
2. Collect Seventh Tradition contributions during the meeting.
3. Maintain a prudent reserve in the group’s treasury.
4. Use Seventh Tradition monies to pay rent or make a donation in
   lieu of rent.

Groups are self-supporting in regards to members’ time and energy when:

1. Service positions, such as chairperson, treasurer, and group service
   representative (GSR) are filled.
2. Service positions are rotated.
3. Business meetings are well attended, so that all voices are heard.

If a CoDA group struggles because of non-support, due either to lack of funds or lack of service by its members, a group inventory can be done to explore possible solutions. See The Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions Workbook for a suggested Traditions-based group inventory format.

Fellowship is a cornerstone of CoDA recovery. Many newcomers arrive at their first meeting feeling alone and isolated. They may be recently out of a relationship or in a relationship in which their emotional needs are not being met. They come, eager to find answers to their questions, but the no crosstalk rule discourages that. However, if they stick around, they learn about fellowship and how it helps build CoDA community. Socializing after the meeting provides an opportunity for conversations in which newcomers can ask questions, talk in more detail, and get to know other members better. To present a welcoming atmosphere, it is important to announce social activities taking place after the meeting and invite everyone to attend.

Other ways meetings can promote CoDA fellowship are by encouraging attendance at conventions, conferences, workshops, and increasing participation at intergroup and voting entity functions.

Some reasons for starting a new meeting:

• There is no meeting on a day or at a time that is convenient for
  several members.
• There are no meetings within a convenient geographic distance.
• There is a need for a meeting to accommodate a specific population
  of members, (Spanish speaking, newcomers, women’s, men’s, gay/
  lesbian, etc.).
• Some members want a particular type of focus in the meeting, such
  as, Step study, CoDA Book, topic, etc.
• An established meeting has closed and there is still a need to
  meet.
• Some CoDA members feel a need for more than one meeting per week.

Although some CoDA meetings are started by people new to the program, it is best to involve experienced members who are familiar with the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. Ideally, three or four people are willing to share the commitment of starting a new meeting. Meetings can be held almost anywhere. Try area churches, synagogues, counseling centers, hospitals, or places where other group meetings are held. Though each group is autonomous, for reasons of safety and anonymity, CoDA cautions about holding meetings in individual homes. When choosing a meeting place,
please keep personal safety in mind.

CoDA recommends that every meeting obtain a Meeting Starter Packet (MSP) from coda.org. It contains all the basic documents needed to hold a CoDA meeting and information on registering the meeting. The MSP contains guidelines for getting the word out about the new meeting, remembering our Eleventh Tradition: “Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion.” Some methods of attracting interest include distributing fliers at other meetings, at intergroup offices, and CoDA events. Listing the
meeting under the self-help or community calendar section in the local paper is helpful. Contacting local mental health, alcohol and substance abuse agencies, and community referral service organizations may also be helpful. It is important to contact community organizations and media outlets regularly so that they continue to publish meeting information.

It may take six months to one year for a new meeting to become established. Maintaining consistency in the day, time, and location of the meeting is vital.

Setting up the meeting room before start time and having someone to greet members, especially newcomers, creates a welcoming atmosphere. Starting and stopping on time respects the boundaries of members.

New meetings need to develop familiarity with the Twelve Traditions as their guiding principles. See the section at the end of this booklet, “The Twelve Traditions.”

All meetings have problems from time to time, especially in the beginning. Healthy meetings address difficulties through the group conscience process, relying upon the wisdom of our Traditions. Tradition One, “Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon CoDA unity” and Tradition Twelve, “Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities” are
particularly useful.

Thirteenth Stepping
In recovery, manipulating another into a relationship, be it emotional,
financial, or sexual, violates the core values and Twelve Traditions of
our program. “Thirteenth stepping” is a term used to describe this kind of unhealthy relationship. Thirteenth stepping is harmful to both people involved and to the overall health of a meeting. Newcomers may be especially vulnerable.

Although the primary responsibility for addressing this issue lies with the individuals involved and their sponsors, any member who is aware of thirteenth stepping may speak privately with the person perceived to be engaging in this behavior. Another option is to call for a group conscience at the next business meeting. People may express their discomfort using “I” statements and without naming individuals or pointing a finger. One possible action a group might take is to amend the meeting format to include a definition of thirteenth stepping, perhaps using wording from the preceding paragraph.

Disruptive Behavior

On rare occasions, a person may cause disruption in the group. It may
manifest as yelling, judging another’s sharing, monopolizing sharing time, or gossiping. Healthy CoDA meetings address disruptiveness by calling for a group conscience where issues can be explored in non-shaming and nonpersonal ways. We place principles before personalities. Tackling issues together leads to group unity.

It is preferable for groups to solve their own problems. When this is not possible, there are other resources in our Fellowship that can help. For further information, refer to the Fellowship Service Manual’s section on Disagreement, Mediation, and Resolution in Our Group Conscience Process.

Recovery depends on CoDA meetings being viable. From the time we
were led to our first Co-Dependents Anonymous group and realized the wealth of help obtainable, we have depended on CoDA being available on a consistent basis. What would happen to Co-Dependents Anonymous if no one volunteered for service? Or, what would happen if only a few CoDA members did all the work? The answer is obvious. CoDA would either cease to exist or a handful of people with their own agendas would be in charge. Regular rotation of service positions gives every member the chance to participate, ensuring that recovery continues to serve the worldwide Fellowship and be available for us and for those who follow. Please consider this as an invitation to serve your CoDA group.

Service work is a win-win situation because it benefits the Fellowship as well as the individuals who serve. Through service work, recovering codependents learn many lessons: to work as part of a team, accept group conscience decisions gracefully, be more direct in communicating their needs, to negotiate and compromise, be more comfortable taking on leadership roles, set healthy boundaries, and learn more about who we are. Service work provides a natural way for individuals to use their talents and creativity to meet and get to know other codependents in more depth.

CoDA has survived because it is more than a group of people coming together toward a common goal: a desire for healthy and loving relationships. CoDA is a spiritual program that follows a well mapped out series of Steps and Traditions and is guided by a loving Higher Power. Through service, our groups and committees continue to carry the message of recovery to codependents who still suffer.

Healthy meetings connect with the CoDA Fellowship beyond the meeting room walls. Groups join together to form intergroups or community service groups to accomplish things that a single group cannot, such as maintaining up-to-date meeting lists, returning informational phone calls, or sponsoring events.

A Voting Entity (VE) is an affiliation of CoDA groups within a state, region, or country. Voting Entities hold regular meetings, comprised of group service representatives (GSRs) who have been elected by their individual CoDA group. Voting Entities are eligible to have voting representatives, called delegates, attend the Annual CoDA Service Conference (CSC). Delegates bring VE concerns to the CSC and, in turn, bring CSC Fellowship information back to their VE. GSRs then bring VE and CSC information back to their individual CoDA meetings. This two-way flow of information benefits the entire CoDA community, and specifically enhances meetings by making members aware of new literature, website enhancement, CoDA
events, or changes that affect CoDA as a whole. Healthy meetings carry the message.

The Twelve Traditions are the guiding spiritual principles of our meetings.

They provide a framework for interacting with others, resolving issues, and maintaining healthy groups.

Tradition One

Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon CoDA unity.

Our First Tradition reminds us that we do not recover on our own. We depend on CoDA; CoDA’s existence depends upon CoDA unity. We need the continuity of our common bonds, such as literature, meeting format, the Steps, the Traditions, and recovery tools and concepts. We come together, in unity, to help each other recognize that we are not alone in recovery. We value every individual’s experience, strength, and hope.

Tradition Two

For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving Higher Power as expressed to our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

In CoDA, our ultimate authority comes from a power greater than ourselves. On the group level, we call this power our “group conscience.” A group conscience is the collective expression of every member’s loving Higher Power. The group conscience provides guidance for all CoDA groups in an atmosphere of safety, respect, and acceptance. No individual is an authority in a CoDA group. At all levels of service, members are responsible to carry out the decisions made through the group conscience process.

Tradition Three

The only requirement for membership in CoDA is a desire for healthy and loving relationships.

This Tradition gives hope to all who suffer from codependency. We are members of this organization when we say we are. Membership in CoDA is self-determined, driven by a personal desire to experience loving and healthy relationships.

Tradition Four

Each group should remain autonomous, except in matters affecting other groups or CoDA as a whole.

As long as a group reads, as written, the Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions, Preamble, and Welcome at every meeting, it may be recognized as part of the Co-Dependents Anonymous Fellowship. After meeting this requirement, each group is responsible to its membership through the group conscience
process. Each group has the obligation to make responsible decisions regarding its own affairs. In the spirit of unity, each CoDA group needs to be accountable for decisions and actions which affect CoDA as a whole.

Tradition Five

Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry its message to other codependents who still suffer.

We carry the message of recovery from codependence to those who still suffer, sharing our experience, strength, and hope. We are diligent about keeping this as our primary spiritual aim.

Tradition Six

A CoDA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the CoDA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim.

CoDA groups do not use the CoDA name to promote or support any outside author or written material, organization, therapy, religion, political group, charity, business, or financial enterprise. We actively protect ourselves from matters that might otherwise divert us from our main spiritual goal: recovery from codependency.

Tradition Seven

Every CoDA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

CoDA groups encourage responsibility in financial matters, such as paying for meeting room space, literature, and refreshments. Treasuries are maintained through voluntary contributions from members only. After the group meets its own needs and obligations, it is suggested that excess funds over and above a prudent reserve be distributed to the larger communities of CoDA: local, state, regional, national, or international levels. Co-Dependents Anonymous does not accept large contributions from any individual, nor from any outside group, agency, or organization. Groups are discouraged
from accepting money, space, or services from non-CoDA sources. Thus, accountability and independence are maintained.

Tradition Eight

Co-Dependents Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

In CoDA, no one is paid to share experience, strength, and hope, whether at meetings, as sponsors, or in any other Twelve Step related activity. Professionals attending CoDA meetings do so as members only, and do not use the Fellowship to further their business interests. Our service centers may hire member or non-member employees for business needs. We may reimburse service-related expenses, when financially possible, to those who serve the Fellowship.

Tradition Nine

CoDA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

CoDA groups are encouraged to use the least possible organization to accomplish service responsibilities. We are organized through our service structure. At all service levels, we rely upon the spiritual leadership of a loving Higher Power as expressed through the group conscience. Positions of leadership need to be regularly rotated to perpetuate the active flow of new ideas and creative energy. Volunteers from the Fellowship act in CoDA’s best interests by reflecting the group conscience of CoDA as a whole. All CoDA members are encouraged to take advantage of the opportunity to
offer service as a vital part of their recovery.

Tradition Ten

CoDA has no opinion on outside issues; hence the CoDA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

Our sole purpose is recovery from codependency through working the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. CoDA groups and members refrain from linking the CoDA name to their personal opinions on any outside issue or organization, including politics, religion, other self-help groups, therapeutic concepts, recovery centers, businesses, literature, or causes. We have no authority to speak for CoDA as a whole.

Tradition Eleven

Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films.

CoDA groups and members do not advertise or promote the Fellowship; the experience, strength, and hope of members speaks for itself. Our public service announcements supply necessary meeting information, such as time, day, and location. Relations with the media are handled through appropriate service entities, such as public information committees or Fellowship Services.

Tradition Twelve

Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

In meetings, we identify ourselves by first name only. If speaking about another member, we may use first name and last initial. We protect others’ identities and refrain from gossiping about their sharing. Anonymity has profound spiritual value in our recovery, teaching us humility, powerlessness, tolerance, patience, and acceptance. We are constantly challenged to look beyond our egos and personalities toward the higher issues of recovery. The practice of anonymity reminds us that the principles of the CoDA program
transcend those of any individual.

When there are questions or problems in CoDA, using a checklist of the Twelve Traditions may help provide answers. For example, group members often ask, “Why should we use CoDA Conference endorsed literature?” The answer lies in the Traditions.

• Tradition One supports the use of CoDA’s literature as a means of
  unifying the Fellowship. A well-stocked literature table helps create a sense of CoDA’s history, strengthens the idea of fellowship,
  and answers many newcomers’ questions.
• Tradition Four allows each group the autonomy to make its own
  decisions “except in matters affecting other groups or CoDA as a
  whole.”
• Tradition Five directs us to carry the message to codependents who still suffer. We do this through the use of our own literature, written anonymously by codependents for codependents.
• Tradition Six recommends that we not endorse, promote, or lend the CoDA name to outside enterprises. For example, using an author’s book during a meeting is promoting an outsider’s ideas. Therefore, CoDA meetings do not promote or support outside authors.
• Tradition Seven asks each group to be self-supporting. The sale
  of CoDA literature helps support CoDA financially. If the majority
  of groups were to use outside literature, the financial, emotional,
  and spiritual health of the Co-Dependents Anonymous organization might be adversely affected.
• Tradition Twelve emphasizes “principles over personalities.” Our
  literature is written anonymously to avoid personal quests for power or prestige.

Life is full of mystery. Perhaps the same can be said of our Fellowship. Some meetings expand and continue over the years, while others do not. Meetings must grow and flourish if this spiritual practice called recovery is to remain available to codependents already in our Fellowship and to those who have not yet found CoDA. With guidance from our Higher Power, we integrate the Steps and Traditions into our meetings and our lives. Attending meetings, volunteering for service, and walking the path of recovery with fellow travellers strengthens our understanding of recovery. Sharing our pain and our triumphs helps us realize we are not alone and demonstrates that recovery works. Healthy meetings support individual recovery and CoDA as a whole. Healthy meetings help CoDA thrive. Healthy meetings matter.

Boundaries are limits. Boundaries separate one person, place, or thing from another. Boundaries are verbal or physical divisions that separate our identities, responsibilities, feelings, needs, and issues from those belonging to others.

Throughout the recovery process, we constantly rediscover that our first responsibility is always to ourselves. Boundaries help us to clarify where our responsibilities end and where other people’s begin. By establishing healthy boundaries, we slowly learn to take care of our issues and recognize that others have the same privilege. Boundaries fall in several categories that include different aspects of our lives:

• Spiritual
• Social
• Sexual
• Physical
• Emotional
• Intellectual

A good example of a healthy boundary is CoDA’s “no crosstalk” guideline. This essential boundary helps us to focus on ourselves
at meetings, instead of trying to fix others. Learning to establish and maintain healthy boundaries is one of our greatest recovery tools.

After we develop an intellectual and emotional understanding of what boundaries are and why we need them, we often discover that a good starting place is getting in touch with ourselves. As part of this process, we find that we want to establish new boundaries with our inner selves. The lack of these internal boundaries can be subtle and may result in abandoning our feelings, losing touch with ourselves, wanting to be intimate to please someone else, not ourselves, and thinking obsessively. As one member shared, 

“I used to get insomnia because I couldn’t shut down my ‘worrier’. Now I listen closely to that part of me and let it have its say, but I also draw a boundary with it. I’ll tell myself ‘OK, you can have 15 more minutes, but then I need to get some sleep.’ This has worked well for me.”

By establishing healthy internal boundaries, we gradually relieve ourselves of our compulsions. We are then able to work on feeling our feelings and move forward with our recovery. Establishing healthier internal boundaries allows us to get in touch with aspects of ourselves that we’ve kept hidden for most of our lives. As we develop a heightened awareness of our inner world, we learn to listen to ourselves and trust our intuitions and feelings.

Apart from establishing healthier internal boundaries, we may also discover that we want to establish new boundaries in our existing relationships. These relationships may be with spouses, children, parents, siblings, in-laws, friends, colleagues – even passing strangers. In examining our boundaries, we can ask ourselves, “Am I trying to control this person?” Asking ourselves this question helps us to create a healthier middle ground between the extremes of either controlling others or allowing others to control us.

We need to set healthier boundaries to avoid abandoning ourselves, caretaking, fixing, or otherwise trying to control other people. We must set boundaries with others who attempt to control us by telling us how to think, feel, or behave. Setting boundaries supports us in our program of learning to care for the self. As one member shared, 

“I spend a lot of time on the phone. I have found that setting a time limit for my calls helps me stick to my daily schedule. Without this boundary, I would feel angry about the amount of time that I spend on the phone, and my schedule would feel unmanageable.”

Determining the appropriateness of our current boundaries is a vital step in the recovery process. Good questions to ask ourselves include:

• Am I angry?
• Do I feel used?
• Do I feel violated?
• Do I feel resentful?
• Do I feel isolated?
• Do I feel frightened?
• Do I feel like a child?
• Are my boundaries (or lack of them) allowing me to maintain healthy relationships with others and myself?

If our boundaries are too rigid, we might be unable to form intimate relationships with others. In redefining boundaries that have grown too rigid, we may discover that we need to examine core issues such as trust and vulnerability. While these rigid boundaries may have protected us in the past, today they may be preventing us from achieving fulfilling levels of intimacy. We can learn to relax overly rigid boundaries when we feel that we can trust ourselves to practice self-care.

In assessing our current boundaries, we may also discover that our boundaries are not firm enough or are nonexistent. Again, we can trust our feelings to guide us when we feel taken advantage of or when our lives may become unmanageable. We learn to recognise and trust these feelings and then set healthier boundaries, if necessary. If we are unsure about our feelings, we can call our sponsor or others in recovery. We can take a minute to ask ourselves, “What do I need right now?” If our boundaries have been inappropriate, we can redefine them. We do not need to feel guilty or afraid, but if we do, we are still entitled to set a new boundary. Recovery teaches us that we are capable of change. Setting a boundary or changing an existing boundary to make it more effective is healthy and sometimes necessary.

For many of us, setting boundaries can be a new and sometimes frightening experience. However, developing healthy boundaries is crucial to our recovery. When we are ready to set a boundary, we may want to consider the following:

1. Determine the need for creating a boundary or changing an existing boundary. We do this by listening to our feelings. For example, if we feel angry, used, or guilty, we probably need to set a boundary.
2. Sometimes we may need to state our boundary out loud to the person we are establishing it with, even if it’s with ourselves.
3. Listen to objections as long as they are stated in a respectful manner.
4. Despite objections, restate our boundary and stick to it. If we decide to reconsider our boundary in the face of conflict, it’s helpful to do so on our own time, away from any outside influence.

The following list provides examples of some typical challenges that recovering codependents may encounter when establishing boundaries:

• Mom comes to visit without calling. Is this OK with me? If not, what boundary can I set? Do I ask her to call me an hour before visiting? A day?
• A friend asks for a loan. Do I feel comfortable with this? Do I expect to be paid back? How might I feel if I’m not repaid? Am I being kind or caretaking?
• I’m single or divorced and dating. Do I have sex on the first date? Do I stick to my boundary? Do I tell dates of this boundary? Do I have sex because I feel pressure?
• My partner is late for dinner. Do I go ahead and eat when I want to? Do I wait until I’m hungry and resentful?
• My partner spends a lot of money on something. Do we have an agreement on how much money we spend? Do we keep and spend our own money? Share it?
• One member always leads a CoDA meeting. Is this healthy? Do I offer to lead the meeting? Do I ask for a business meeting to discuss rotating service positions?
• My meeting usually starts late. Is this respectful of our time boundaries? What prevents us from starting promptly? Have I raised this issue at the meeting?
• I need to leave for an important appointment, but an acquaintance is “monologuing” and won’t stop talking. Do I continue to fidget and hope they read my body language? Do I politely wait until they are done, while feeling increasingly used? How do I take care of myself?

Together with the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, the Twelve Service Concepts open another level of spiritual connection that codependents can experience with one another and with the Fellowship as a whole. They are a source of spiritual guidance for
all members of CoDA, and not solely for those in service work. The Service Concepts do serve as a framework providing trusted servants with direction and making them accountable for the work they do, like a spiritual lighthouse shining its light outward.

The Service Concepts are the next level in our recovery, as our Step Twelve states; this program of ours teaches us how to “practice these principles in all our affairs.” Furthermore, Tradition Three encourages us, as codependents, to learn about how to build healthy relationships in our work with others. The founding fathers of the first Twelve Step program discovered service to be a crucial component in their recovery. As codependents in a Twelve Step program, we move forward in our explorations, learning how the Service Concepts can aid in our continued transformation towards healthier lives and more loving relationships.

Through principles and guidelines, there is a spiritual interaction between the members, especially in the group conscience decision making process that is used in service work. No matter where our Higher Power leads us in our daily lives, CoDA’s SERVICE
CONCEPTS MATTER IN ALL OUR AFFAIRS!

The format used for the following Service Concepts recovery work presents each of the Twelve Service Concepts along with an explanation of their significance. At the end of each is a summary, including a major topic, the essence of the message, and the spiritual
principles within. Afterward, there is a list of questions for personal contemplation and/or group discussion.

The booklet can be used by individual members seeking to deepen their understanding of the Service Concepts and how service translates into more recovery. The Service Concepts may be studied by sponsors and their sponsees, in workshops, and in regular
meetings.

The members of the Fellowship of Co-Dependents Anonymous, in carrying out the will of a loving Higher Power, advance their individual recoveries, work to ensure the continuance of their groups and their program, and carry the message to codependents who still suffer. They may also collectively authorize and establish service boards or committees and empower trusted servants to perform service work.

Service Concept One refers to the message of hope we are asked by our loving Higher Power to share with members and non-members alike. When interacting with family, friends, acquaintances, or strangers who are not in a recovery program, we may be tempted to ask, “Who is really codependent and who is not?” It does not matter who is codependent, as it is not for us to judge or decide who is or who is not. What does matter is that “we” are codependent.

Sharing the message of recovery with other “codependents who still suffer” may be done in the most trying of circumstances. In recovery, we may face people and situations that trigger our codependence regularly requiring us to use our recovery tools. In recovery, we are learning to ‘respond’ rather than ‘react’ in an inappropriate manner; we are learning to be respectful and courteous. We are learning to love ourselves and to love others we may know well or not so well. Are we able to choose tolerance and patience when we are faced with daily challenges? We can thus cultivate compassion for others; we are able to choose tolerance and exercise courage in the face of fear. When we allow our Higher Power to show us how to be at any moment, we can rise above our struggles on the wings of humility and acceptance.

By doing Step work, we improve our behaviors and become examples and messengers of recovery for those we encounter, in our groups, in the Fellowship, and in all our relationships. When we consider how our groups and the Fellowship have helped us discover the difference between codependence and maturity, we realize that we can project a strong message of hope to those who are still suffering. If we feel that difference within ourselves, others may see that difference as well, showing that change is possible for them within the CoDA program.

Any member of CoDA, newcomer, or ‘old-timer’ alike, can take on service roles; this is the opportunity to learn and practice the Traditions. Service work includes opening the door and setting up the meeting room, attending a meeting and sharing, making coffee,
being responsible for finances or literature, taking minutes for group conscience decisions, or empowering a committee to carry on a specific task for the group or Fellowship as a whole—service work is service work. We are all trusted servants. Our Twelve Traditions and Twelve Service Concepts go hand in hand in promoting this principle. We do this work to ensure the healthy continuance of the group and/or the Fellowship at large.

If no one volunteered to open the door, set up the meeting, chair the meeting, make announcements, share their personal experience, strength, and hope, count the funds from the Seventh tradition, etc., there would be no meeting. Without meetings, the Fellowship could not sustain itself. We are the lifeblood of the Fellowship leading to the
world CoDA Service Conference.

The Fellowship of CoDA has the responsibility of determining, through its group conscience, the service work to be performed, and the best manner to perform such work. This authority is expressed through our group conscience. Authority carries responsibility; thus, CoDA groups conscientiously provide adequate funding and support for the service work they authorize.

The Fellowship refers to all levels of CoDA including individual groups, community service groups, such as Intergroups, and national organizing bodies or Voting Entities. The Fellowship comes together once a year regarding the service work to be performed in CoDA. Between CoDA Service Conferences, each group is autonomous. This means that at any level, at any time, if a group conscience is held, the group can authorize and determine with total responsibility and authority how service work is to be performed within their group, unless the decision affects other groups and CoDA as a whole.

As Tradition Four states, “Each group should remain autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or CoDA as a whole.”

The group conscience is a key spiritual element of the CoDA program. It is not the personalities nor those entrusted with responsibility who determine what is to be performed and how, but the group conscience of members as guided by their individual
Higher Power, as outlined in Service Concept One. CoDA service work, when directed by Higher Power’s will, ensures the continuance of the CoDA program. For this reason, we view those doing service work as trusted servants—trusted because of the spiritual method used to decide how they will serve the Fellowship and what work they have been entrusted to do. They are given authority and responsibility through the group conscience, and they are accountable to those they serve. Tradition Two, upheld!

What exactly is a group conscience process? As members of CoDA, we experience the group conscience process as one where all the members are asked to participate, and our Higher Power is asked to be the guiding force. When we recite the Serenity Prayer, we hand over our human will to our Higher Power, and we trust that the decision made is a spiritual one. The majority vote either supports or opposes the decision.

CoDA takes the group conscience decision-making process seriously because all members are accountable and responsible for supporting the group conscience decision, not just the trusted servants (Group Service Representative, treasurer, etc.) that were given the authority and responsibility to implement the decision. For this reason, it is
especially important to ensure that each voting member is aware of the impact on the group and CoDA as a whole. To ensure this accountability, it is customary practice for those in service to provide regular reports to the group conscience.

In addition to deciding what and how the work shall be completed, the CoDA group, Intergroup, or Voting Entity is responsible for providing the resources (financial, moral, and spiritual) needed to complete the approved work. For example, if the literature person needs funds from the treasurer to purchase new literature, those funds are supplied. The Traditions make it clear that the funds are not individual members’ personal funds but those of the group. Funds acquired by the Seventh Tradition donations at our meetings or online make it possible for the group to be self-sufficient.
(Tradition Seven—A CoDA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.)

Decisions about service work in the Fellowship and all CoDA affairs are made through the group conscience decision making process. For this spiritual democratic process to work, every member of the group is encouraged to participate, consider all the facts and options concerning the issue, listen respectfully to all opinions expressed, then reflect and meditate to find a loving Higher Power’s will. Finally, we deliberate honestly and respectfully to determine the proper course of
action. Unanimity in the group is the desired outcome; a majority vote is a group conscience.

Service Concept Three touches on the very foundation of doing CoDA service work, i.e., working collectively to spread the message of CoDA using a spiritual and democratic group conscience process. In many ways, Service Concept Three is an extension of Tradition Two, which states that the ultimate authority in our deliberations is “a loving Higher Power as expressed to our group conscience.” It describes the process by which we come to an informed group conscience. Our experience in CoDA tells us that an uninformed majority can often be wrong, but a truly informed group conscience,
speaking the will of a loving Higher Power, is rarely mistaken. The group conscience process is not about “winning” or “losing” an argument. It is about finding the will of a loving Higher Power to come to a solution that is best for CoDA as a whole.

In a group conscience decision-making procedure, no one governs, controls, manipulates, or uses their codependent patterns to achieve their preferred or hidden agenda. There is equanimity; everyone’s opinion has equal value and is given proper consideration. If everyone in the group agrees to the same solution, this is ideal; if not, a majority is sufficient. A CoDA group conscience decision is like that of a functional family where members discuss issues openly with mutual trust and respect. Members of a CoDA group conducting a group conscience decision are expected to do the same, but to also seek to know the will and guidance of their Higher Power.

Another crucial factor in this decision-making process is full participation. Imagine a family where one or two members do not wish to join in making any decisions and compare that to a group where most of the members do not participate in the group
conscience. In either case, the decision will impact everyone in the family or group.

In CoDA, no one is forced to speak, but everyone is encouraged to give their opinion before we decide. Out of privacy, respect, and not wanting to control each other, we accept each member’s decision to be part of the process or not.

As well as having a desire for full participation, it is also important that the group conscience be fully informed and that we take special care to ensure that the minority opinion is heard. Those of us who are dealing with the disease of codependence can sometimes find it difficult to question an apparent majority opinion. Fear of conflict,
criticism, or attracting the attention of the group have been crippling patterns for many of us. For this reason, it is the responsibility of every member—not just those who are facilitating the group conscience process—to actively seek the minority opinion by
encouraging the members who have been mostly silent to share their thoughts.

Even if we disagree with the minority opinion, it is essential that all be heard. The minority may have a vital piece of information that changes the majority’s mind. They may see a connection to CoDA principles that others have not considered. If the group conscience is to be truly informed, the minority must be heard.

If the minority feel railroaded or shouted down—if they feel (even mistakenly) that they have not been afforded a fair opportunity to participate in the deliberation—there is no real unity in the final decision. Trusted servants who are working a mature, effective
program of recovery can accept a difference of opinion. They can agree to disagree, but no one wants to be shut out of the process. And so, it becomes every member’s responsibility to listen respectfully to the minority voice with an open mind.

There is a spiritual connection between this Service Concept and the Twelve Steps and our recovery. Working the Steps is a very personal and spiritual process in which we discover who we truly are. It can help us understand why we do not participate fully in family or group decision making, inside and outside of CoDA. Completing our Step work and Tradition work allows us to become spiritually, emotionally, and physically available—to our families, our loved ones, at work, and in CoDA service work. We learn how to bring the will of our Higher Power into the collective decisions we make for the benefit of all concerned.

What does a healthy group conscience process look like? Depending on the issue, the group conscience can take up to an hour or be ten minutes or less. During the group conscience, we consider issues that disrupt the group’s unity and health. Individually, we seek guidance from our Higher Powers, in our own ways, and then decide what we
think is the best solution. We respectfully listen to each person’s viewpoint and then consider what we are willing and feeling guided to do. We may then change our opinion based on what we have heard and recast our vote accordingly.

Tradition One states:

“Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon CoDA unity.”

It does not say “recovery depends on one member’s opinion,” although each member has the right to express themself. Our personal recovery
depends on this unity. Each member of the group participates in making the group healthier, which makes each of our personal recoveries easier. In the spirit of unity, we accept the result of a majority vote and support the group conscience, even if it is not our
preferred solution

All those who volunteer to do service work for CoDA by serving on committees, boards, or corporations are trusted servants, not authority figures. Ideally, trusted servants volunteer out of a desire to follow their Higher Power’s will, out of gratitude for the gifts they have received from CoDA, out of a desire to grow in their ability to create and keep healthy relationships, and to contribute what they can of themselves to CoDA. The Fellowship recognizes the need to select the most qualified people willing to serve as trusted servants. At times, trusted servants may hire individuals outside of the Fellowship for commercial services.

In Service Concept Four, the Fellowship of CoDA provides a list of reasons why someone would want to become a trusted servant. The list may not be complete, but the reasons listed have one common denominator—they are spiritual. Trusted servants are codependents with shortcomings; yet all reasons listed are qualities valued in trusted
servants. These qualities are the by-product of a member’s good recovery; as a result, their experience, strength, and hope shine outwards while their connection to their Higher Power is strengthened.

Ideally, the members of a group need to be connected in the same way to each other so that as a group, they can reflect on a group conscience. They draw upon everyone’s personal connection to their Higher Power, ultimately leading to decisions that follow their Higher Power’s will. The need for a personal connection to Higher Power and a group connection to Higher Power applies at all levels of CoDA, starting with home groups and down through all levels of the Fellowship. In fact, as trusted servants grow within the Fellowship and participate at different levels of service, their group conscience
process decisions are more likely to affect other groups or CoDA as a whole (e.g., Intergroup, a Voting Entity, or the world), and the need to follow their Higher Power’s will becomes more essential.

Personalities expressed as self-will are possible at all levels of CoDA service work, and trusted servants frequently need to remind themselves of the need to place “principles before personalities,” as stated in Tradition Twelve. The volunteer who wishes to become a trusted servant must be trusted and trustworthy and put their personal will aside in their service work.

In addition to keeping the CoDA principles at the forefront of our service work, anonymity is also essential. In service work, labels or titles of trusted servants are unimportant. Who we are, where we come from, what we do, or how long we have been in recovery is not important; it is vital to leave our reliance on these elements of ego at
the door. In CoDA, we are all equal, and labels tend to distance us rather than to unify us. When we identify ourselves, all we need to provide is our first name; the only other consideration needed is “I am a codependent” or “I am a recovering codependent.”

Nevertheless, having the authority and responsibility to do the assigned work is crucial. It matters that the trusted servant is qualified to do the assigned work. In addition to an individual’s qualifications, their experience, strength, and hope in CoDA may become a large part of what qualifies them. Group conscience is extremely important in selecting trusted servants; this includes all those qualities mentioned: gratitude for gifts received from service, our desire to grow, maintain healthy relationships, carry the message of recovery, etc. The authority and responsibility given to our trusted servants can be a heavy load. However, if our personal reasons for doing service work are as stated in Service Concept Four, we will carry the load with integrity and humility, using the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions to guide us. These are the guidelines and principles
of our program of recovery, and they are also the ones we use in our service work.

We also apply the integrity and humility of this concept in our families and other relationships. We are all equal, but we are free to divide up responsibilities based on our individual interests and skills.

Service Concept Four also indicates that as trusted servants, we may not be able to do all the work required to complete our tasks. It gives us the authority to hire someone outside of the Fellowship to complete tasks when necessary, and when authorized, funds can be
allocated to pay for these expenses.

Trusted servants must keep in mind the gifts they have received from recovery including the CoDA Twelve Traditions. Tradition Two states that “our leaders are but trusted servants…” and not “our trusted servants are leaders.” We are all equal in service. Tradition Eight states that “Co-Dependents
Anonymous should remain forever non-professional” since we serve unconditionally without a form of compensation or expectation but only to carry the message.

Trusted servants are directly responsible to those they serve and are bound to honor the group conscience decision making process and uphold those decisions concerning their service work. The
Fellowship also recognizes the need and right for members to honor their own experience, strength, and hope and their Higher Power’s will as expressed to them. When the group conscience violates
an individual’s own truth and makes participation impossible, the individual may relinquish the service position.

Service Concept Five identifies a trusted servant’s sources of guidance and inspiration: firstly, the group conscience—where a member honors all other members’ spiritual guidance; and secondly, when a member follows their own experience, strength, and hope—where a trusted servant (or any member) follows their own Higher Power’s will. Trusted servants are bound to honor the group conscience process.

It follows that all decisions that affect a group and its members are to be made by the group conscience.

This principle is supported by Tradition One, where we are reminded that “Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon CoDA unity.”

This accentuates the need for a volunteer to consider the common welfare of their group first and to not decide based solely on their personal beliefs. No one member governs. If we pay attention, we can see that all of CoDA’s principles come together spiritually.

This Service Concept also provides a disclaimer of sorts: If a trusted servant is not comfortable with the group conscience, they may choose to relinquish their service position. This allows a member to honor their own personal truth. If a particular individual feels uncomfortable with the group’s decision, for whatever reason, the group is assured that the trusted servant will express their truth. If such a situation presents itself to a group, the members may wish to look more closely at the group conscience. This process is meant to strengthen and enhance the common welfare and is not to be used to hold a group hostage.

The group conscience process—a spiritual and democratic one—allows a member to speak their truth and share their experience to request that a particular decision be postponed for members to be better informed.

This makes the process more honorable and beneficial for the group and CoDA as a whole. Service Concept Six, described later, also offers any member “the right to respectfully dissent” as a solution. Every member’s truth is spiritual if it is spoken as their Higher Power’s will.

It can be said that to ignore or exclude a member’s truth, for whatever reason, renders this spiritual process questionable. In addition to Tradition One, this is supported by Service Concept Three, explained above, as it clearly describes the elements necessary for this process to work as it should. Our spiritual principles come together for the benefit of the group and CoDA.

All of CoDA’s principles are intricately connected. One, examined by itself, may be profound, but when looked at together, the bigger picture comes into focus. Every member of CoDA has a truth or a personal belief on any matter— hopefully, as expressed through their Higher Power. Honoring our individuality and remembering our slogan, “To thine own self be true,” is an important recovery goal. The gifts of working the Twelve Steps and following the Twelve Traditions are learning that “I know a new sense of belonging” (Promise One), “I am a unique and precious creation” (Promise Nine), and, guided by my Higher Power, “[I] come to believe in my own capabilities” (Promise Eleven).

We come to understand that in our service work, we do not make final decisions in isolation or based on one person’s opinion. We need to consider our common welfare because it is with unity that our best solutions are found. Each member is responsible for being true to themselves, continuing to speak accordingly because each member’s
experience, strength, and hope plays a significant role in helping others in their recovery. When members carry their recovery into their service roles, relationships, and personal lives, their trust and faith in HP’s guidance becomes stronger, and they expand their
experience, strength, and hope. This is a never-ending, lifetime process.

The Fellowship guarantees trusted servants the right and authority to freely make decisions commensurate with their responsibilities and the right to participate in group conscience decisions affecting their responsibilities. Each CoDA member is also guaranteed the right to respectfully dissent during the group conscience decision making process. A member may freely and safely express any personal grievances if no person or group is unexpectedly singled out as the subject of the grievance. Members are encouraged to honor their own integrity as well as the integrity of others.

Service Concept Six explains that the Fellowship delegates to trusted servants the responsibility for making group conscience decisions on their behalf when necessary. This applies at all levels of service work—a home group, Intergroup, Regional group, Voting Entity as well as international service boards and committees. Special workers are
entrusted with the responsibility and authority to act on behalf of the Fellowship.

This can also be applicable in our relationships as well. For example, in families at home or among co-workers at work, individuals are assigned tasks they are good at or have knowledge about, such as handling the finances. We entrust that person with the responsibility of making those decisions on our behalf for our common welfare. Trusted servants, in a relationship within the Fellowship, are another example.

This Service Concept gives us guidelines on how trusted servants are encouraged to participate during group conscience decisions. A service worker is given the right to express themselves fully during a group conscience. We have the right and authority to help make decisions; we have the right to dissent; we can safely express our thoughts, opinions, and differences without naming another member or a group, making it instead about ourselves. Because we make it about ourselves and not about others, we maintain our own integrity and responsibility, thereby giving us the right to be who we are, but
not at the expense of someone else’s integrity. That is being true to ourselves; that is being responsible; that is being accountable. As we respectfully express ourselves and maintain our integrity, we make it safe for others to do the same; there is a mutual trade-off—a
solution where everyone benefits from effective communication.

This principle can be easily transposed to our own personal world of experience, strength, and hope, where we can, as it says in our Step Twelve recovery work, “practice these principles in all our affairs.”

The connection between Step Twelve and Service Concept Six validates and clarifies how we are to behave and gives us solutions and tools to use when our codependent traits are being triggered. They provide the checks and balances we can consider not only in ourpersonal affairs but also in CoDA affairs. What we learn in CoDA regarding healthy and loving relationships can be applied to any kind of relationship. What works at the meeting for one or two hours a week, will work with family, friends, and acquaintances.

Trusted servants do practice the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions in their service work and in all of their affairs. Trusted servants do not seek power, prestige, wealth, status, or acclaim; do not govern, coerce, or attempt to control others; and do not push a personal agenda, promote controversy, or advance outside issues at CoDA’s expense. Since issues over authority, will, money, property, and prestige can and do arise in service work, trusted servants need to practice emotional sobriety, including anonymity, humility, tolerance, gratitude, making amends, and forgiveness.

Trusted servants are only human! Our emotions change constantly with circumstances. They are a sign of what is stirring within and can help us determine our response. As recovering codependents, we wish to manage those emotions, and even while being true to ourselves, we do not wish to harm anyone, including ourselves. We are reminded in The Welcome, that ‘codependence is a most deeply rooted compulsive behavior’ and that we try ‘to restore within us the emotional losses from our childhoods.’

Service Concept Seven states that trusted servants, although given responsibility and authority, must not seek personal power or acclaim through their service work and that they do not govern or control others to advance their personal agendas or egos.

In addition to the above issues, this Service Concept also proposes six healthy recovery traits to empower trusted servants:
“anonymity, humility, tolerance, gratitude, making amends, and forgiveness.”

These six traits can be used as benchmarks not only for trusted servants in their service work but for all CoDA members who wish to improve their
personal recovery and maintain healthy relationships.

When we “continue to take personal inventory” while practicing Step Ten, we review each day to determine how we are managing our recovery. This recovery accompanies trusted servants in their service. We have learned that we need to remain true to CoDA’s principles to be able to attain some level of serenity, courage, and wisdom; these three gifts we ask for when we recite the Serenity Prayer. Steps Ten, Eleven, and Twelve ask trusted servants to maintain contact with their Higher Power and to continue practicing the CoDA principles in all their affairs.

The principles – within Traditions Ten, Eleven, and Twelve – remind trusted servants to refrain from allowing outside issues to interfere with their service work on behalf of the Fellowship to maintain anonymity and to place principles before personalities.

When we read the Service Concepts on their own, they may seem remote and difficult to understand. Yet, they are essential in our recovery work in service. They are meant to complement the Steps and Traditions, and to provide additional spiritual guidance for
trusted servants to practice within their groups, so that they can remain safe places.

The CoDA Service Conference (Conference), through its group conscience decision-making process, guides the Fellowship in making policy decisions and in following the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. The Conference, though providing guidelines, holds no authority over the decision-making process of individual groups. The group conscience process is our decisionmaking process. Failure to honor this process may violate Traditions One and Four and a sanction may be imposed. The harshest sanction Conference can impose on an individual or group is to no longer recognize it as belonging to CoDA; this sanction may only be imposed on those who
consistently violate the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, as determined by guidelines accepted by Conference.

The CoDA Service Conference is a gathering of Fellowship members who meet annually to make group conscience decisions that provide guidance to the Fellowship—for CoDA as a whole, for our groups, and for each individual member. The Conference uses the Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions, and Twelve Service Concepts to guide their decisions. However, this Service Concept makes it clear that the Conference holds no authority over any individual group’s decision-making process.

This goes hand in hand with Traditions Two and Four:
“Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern” and “Each group should remain autonomous.”

The CoDA Service Conference guides the Fellowship but does not hold authority over the preeminent rights of a group. This is a very spiritual approach—one in which we have a Higher Power that guides us, but that also gives us freedom of choice and authority to decide for ourselves how to live and to operate. We are free to do as we wish; similarly, each group is autonomous and free to do what it decides, no matter the guidance provided by the Conference. Groups have the autonomy to do as they wish, yet the Conference has the authority to issue sanctions on a particular group that consistently violates the Steps and Traditions.

For example, the Conference stipulates that if a group wishes to go about its business in a way that goes against Traditions One and Four, it is not reflecting a true group conscience decision. Although it has this power, the Conference acknowledges our Higher Power’s will for us, which is to avoid harsh sanctions if possible.

Tradition One reminds us of two things: “Our common welfare comes first,” and “personal recovery depends upon CoDA unity.” The group’s common welfare comes ahead of any one member’s welfare in a group conscience. When there is no unity in the group, each member’s recovery is in jeopardy. When a group is overrun by personalities rather than by principles, it is not serving its members in a healthy manner.

As guided by Step Eleven, groups and trusted servants are encouraged to meditate and pray to their Higher Power when making decisions. This is the same approach we use in our personal recovery. As we grow in our program, Higher Power takes on a more vital
role; as members grow, the group and its group conscience evolve and our connection to the Fellowship and the Conference takes on a more significant role.

Where Tradition One speaks of the individual group and the responsibility of its members, Tradition Four explains that our groups are autonomous if we do not jeopardize other groups or the Fellowship as a whole. Connections to other groups and the Conference are similar, and it is incumbent on the members and their groups to proceed responsibly, with care for the rest of CoDA. Should any one member feel that common welfare and unity are not present in their group, they have the authority and responsibility to express themselves upon the guidance of their Higher Power. Based on the group conscience of trusted servants, Conference is also given the authority and responsibility to impose sanctions, which may result in an individual and/or group losing their status and membership.

By tradition, the CoDA Service Conference gives responsibilities to working committees composed of Conference Delegates and other CoDA volunteers or to separate service boards or corporations. All are directly responsible to the Conference. The scope of the work a committee does is determined by the Conference group conscience. The chairperson of each committee assumes the responsibility to ensure the work assigned to the committee is completed in a timely manner.

The richness and spiritual connection between all of CoDA’s principles are especially evident in-Service Concept Nine.

Tradition Nine mentions: “CoDA as such ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.”
The message is clear.

Service Concept Nine states that the Conference (CSC) gives responsibilities to committees consisting of Delegates, volunteers, or service boards who are members of CoDA. Similarly, a group gives responsibilities to its committees or trusted servants who are members of the group. When any group sets up a committee to work on a project or an event or accepts a member in a service position, it is mirroring what is done at Conference.

What is the CoDA Service Conference (CSC)? How does it operate? These questions are answered in the CoDA Fellowship Service Manual, but to summarize, Delegates are members of CoDA who have been selected by group conscience to represent their Voting
Entity at Conference and are given permission by CoDA to be a voting member at the annual Conference, along with other Delegates from around the world. From these Delegates, the CoDA Service Conference forms various committees and boards to complete specific tasks, such as Literature, Finance, Outreach, etc. These committees and boards are answerable to Conference and the Fellowship on an annual basis.

On the surface, a member of a home group may think, “What does this have to do with me and my recovery?” or, “I will just let the group and the Fellowship take care of themselves, and I’ll just concern myself with my recovery.” Well, CoDA’s process of delegating and requiring responsible updates is also true, on a smaller scale, in a home group. What each member is responsible for in a group is also representative of what happens at the CoDA Service
Conference.

To draw a comparison, a meeting’s treasurer, or the chair of a committee answers to the group. They are trusted servants assigned these specific tasks for which they are responsible to the group. As determined by the group, the treasurer may be required to submit a monthly or annual report, and the chair of the committee may be required to give an update. This is no different than the treasurer of the CoDA Board or the chair of a standing committee who is required to submit a report to the Delegates at the annual Conference.

Understanding this process that protects our ‘common welfare’ is what CoDA unity is all about. It is not something that just happens with ‘them over there;’ it begins with ‘us over here.

When the CoDA Service Conference is in session, the CoDA Board of Trustees is directly responsible to the Conference. When not in session, the Conference assigns its decision-making authority on material matters to the Trustees. The Board of Trustees is authorized to monitor the work of Conference-appointed service committees and may provide assistance or guidelines when necessary. The Trustees serve as the board of directors of CoDA, Inc., the non-profit corporation, are assigned custodial control of all money and property held in trust for the Fellowship and are responsible for prudent management of its finances.

Service Concept Ten identifies CoDA Inc. (Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc.) a non-profit organization. There are two underlying purposes behind the creation of this legal entity:
a spiritual one and a practical one. Service Concept Ten describes both. The spiritual aspect aims to bring the voice of all members of the Fellowship together to provide guidance and direction at the annual Conference. The practical side addresses the need for a structure to handle the day-to-day operation and management of material matters between Conferences.

The spiritual goal of CoDA is “to carry the message.” To do this, CoDA has a bottom-up or ‘inverted pyramid’ structure, in which the groups are at the top of the pyramid, and the Board is at the bottom. (This structure is illustrated in the Fellowship Service Manual, Part I.) The groups have the final responsibility and authority through their Delegates at the annual Conference. Each group is represented at the annual Conference by their Voting Entity Delegate. The Group Service Representatives carry the groups’ conscience to their Intergroup or Voting Entity Delegate, who then carries the message to CoDA Service Conference. Similarly, the Delegates carry the message back to their Voting Entity or Intergroup, and from there back to the groups. With this structure, the spiritual goal of CoDA is maintained. At any time, the trusted servant (or any member) can carry the message sideways—as well as up or down the pyramid structure—to anyone who may be suffering. This spiritual purpose is supported by Tradition Five and Step Twelve.

For the practical day-to-day operation of the Fellowship worldwide, local groups rely on the trusted servants serving as Group Service Representatives, Delegates, committee members and trustees to carry out their responsibilities so that CoDA can continue to achieve its spiritual goal of carrying the message to codependents worldwide.

Service Concept Ten clarifies that when Conference is in session the Board reports to the Delegates; but, between Conferences, the Board of Trustees acts on behalf of the Conference on material matters (money, property, prudent management) and by overseeing and providing guidance to the standing service committees. The Trustees and standing committees, comprised of Delegates and CoDA members from around the world, ensure the ongoing day-to-day operation of CoDA between Conferences.

There is a direct correlation between sharing the message and becoming a trusted servant on either the world or the local group level. At the local group level, the group conscience decides how it will “carry the message” and which service positions it needs for the dayto-day operations of the group (money, chairing meetings, community outreach, literature, etc.) For example, to carry the message, the group can create committees to examine the possibility of preparing a workshop or retreat. The correlation between the
local group and the CoDA Service Conference is evident.

As a group grows in membership, so too does the need for trusted servants. The growth in local groups is reflected in the growth of CoDA worldwide. CoDA needs a steady flow of members willing to be Group Service Representatives and Delegates to CoDA Service
Conference. Ideally, they will also be willing to do the world service work needed beyond the group level to continue to carry CoDA’s message worldwide.

The powers of the CoDA Service Conference derive from the pre-eminent authority of the group conscience decision-making process. Arizona State law gives the Board of Trustees legal rights and
responsibilities to act for the Fellowship in certain situations. CoDA, Inc.’s Articles of Incorporation and Bylaws are legal documents enumerating these Board rights and responsibilities.

Service Concept Eleven clarifies the powers bestowed on the CoDA Service Conference to direct the decisions made by its trusted servants, as the Conference has approved and outlined in the Articles of Incorporation that define CoDA. The need for the establishment of a corporation to organize and handle legal and financial rights and
responsibilities became clear in CoDA’s early years.

The story of CoDA is told in the final essay of the CoDA Blue Book, titled “CoDA’s First Six Years,” written by CoDA’s founders. The story explains the “Birth of CoDA,” the spiritual nature of the Fellowship, and how it flourished from one group to a vast number
of groups, leading to the need for incorporation. As CoDA blossomed nationally and internationally, the founding members and their team of trusted servants saw the need to provide structure and organization to the groups they so lovingly nurtured. In 1996,
CoDA was incorporated as Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc.

To this day, the Articles of Incorporation provide the legal framework and outline the rights and responsibilities for the Board of Trustees to act for the Fellowship “in certain situations.” The Articles also reaffirm CoDA’s spiritual principles and guidelines outlined in the CoDA Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions, and Twelve Service Concepts, as well as the power of the annual CoDA Service Conference derived “from the pre-eminent authority of the group conscience decision-making process.” They also include the rights
of the Delegates and the responsibility of trusted servants to provide spiritual and emotional assistance to those who still suffer.

It is the responsibility of the Delegates at the Conference to determine how CoDependents Anonymous, Inc. will continue to function from year to year. At the Conference, Delegates can suggest changes to the By Laws as they currently exist. Each motion will be seriously considered by the voting Delegates and Trustees using the group conscience decision-making process, as outlined in the Fellowship Service Manual.

The structure CoDA established to organize and handle its legal and financial responsibilities, help carry the message, and empower members to become trusted servants is available to all CoDA members and local CoDA groups. CoDA is no longer two people or one group, as it was in the beginning. CoDA has become a Fellowship that permits its members to decide what is best for their local home groups, Intergroups, Voting Entities, and CoDA as a whole, according to a Higher Power as expressed to their group conscience.

The Fellowship strives to practice and encourage spiritual principles in all its material, financial, and business affairs, including fairness, equality, and respect for individual rights. Every member within CoDA has a voice and is encouraged to use it. Every member has the right to know what is happening within our organization. To honor this right, and in the spirit of CoDA unity, our CoDA, Inc. organization publishes and distributes group conscience decisions, such as minutes of our service boards and motions from our CoDA Service Conferences, in the most inclusive and timely manner possible.

We each arrive at our first CoDA meeting in different ways and for different reasons, but we usually come because our personal dysfunctions have finally caused enough pain for us to realize things cannot stay the same, and we want our lives to change. Someone
carried the message to us, and we decided to attend our first meeting. Our life journey and our experience, strength, and hope with CoDA have brought us to the moment when we are now ready to carry the message to those who still suffer.

The spiritual principles practiced throughout CoDA—of fairness, equality, and respect for individual rights—become principles we begin to practice in all areas of the Fellowship and our lives. Our relationships within CoDA and our personal lives begin to change, and we come to “experience serenity, strength, and spiritual growth” in our lives (Promise Twelve).

As Step Twelve and Tradition Twelve guide us, we begin “to carry this message to other codependents and to practice these principles in all our affairs,” making sure that we place “principles before personalities.”

As Service Concept Twelve states, in CoDA we have a voice and are encouraged to express ourselves in healthy ways in our meetings, in our service work, and in our personal lives. If we do not understand something, we ask questions. If something seems wrong to us, we check with our HP or our sponsor and then share our opinions openly, without fear of judgment or criticism. If we are concerned about what is happening in CoDA, we have a right to speak up and to be heard. We have learned to express ourselves in safe and respectful ways (Promise Eight).

Every member has the right to know about what is happening in CoDA. To honor this right, the organization publishes and distributes group conscience decisions, such as service boards’ minutes and motions. We do this in a timely manner that is easily accessible to the public and all CoDA members. CoDA Board Minutes and Policy and
Procedures documents are posted on the website, as are all Conference Motions from the first Conference in 1987 onwards. CoDA also provides regular announcements to members who sign up to receive them. Practicing transparency and timely disclosure teaches us effective communication skills, and we carry these over into our personal relationships.

If a CoDA member does not have access to technology, they can approach any trusted servant regarding what is happening at all levels of the Fellowship. If the trusted servant does not have the answer, it is that trusted servant’s responsibility to find the answer or to direct the seeker to the right person for an answer. This is one of the responsibilities of the Group Service Representative as stated in the Fellowship Service Manual.

As codependents, we need to be careful that we do not provide information to those who have not asked for it. Newcomers may need some help finding out how things work, but for those who have been in recovery for a while, it is their responsibility to ask for help
when they need it

As noted above, Service Concept Twelve is the final piece of CoDA recovery—a spiritual program that gives the codependent guidelines and principles that they did not learn in their family of origin. We learn to love ourselves first; then we learn how to have healthy
and loving relationships. We come to experience serenity, strength, and spiritual growth that we can share with others.

Summary: CoDA service work, when directed by our Higher Power’s will, ensures the continuance of the CoDA program through the collective conscience of the Fellowship and its trusted servants who carry the message.

Spiritual Principle(s): Carrying the Message in Unity and Authority

1. Which of the Twelve Steps does this encourage me to always practice while in service?
2. Do I participate in any form of service work? In what way?
3. If I do participate, what is my motivation for doing service work? If I do not currently do service work, why not?
4. As a trusted servant, what message do I carry into my recovery and my group? Into my relationships? To the CoDA Fellowship?
5. What are the benefits to me of providing service for my group? For the CoDA Fellowship?
6. In what way is service work carrying out the will of a loving Higher Power?
7. Are there reasons why I do not always follow my Higher Power’s will in my recovery, my relationships, or my service work?
8. Has my group had the opportunity to set up committees? If so, have I ever participated? Why or why not?
9. How do I carry the message to others? Has this helped my recovery? What do I believe is “the message”?
10. Am I doing so much service work that I am crowding out others, and building up resentment within myself? If so, why?
11. Is it possible that I feel a particular meeting task (setting up, opening doors, chairing, etc.) belongs to me?
12. How does doing my service work ensure the continuance of my recovery? My relationships? CoDA in general?

Summary: The group conscience of the Fellowship gives its trusted servants the spiritual authority and responsibility to carry out decisions regarding CoDA service work in an accountable way. The Fellowship is responsible for funding the work of trusted servants.

Spiritual Principle(s): Service & Responsibility

1. What do I believe is the purpose of the group conscience? When or where does a group conscience apply?
2. How do I participate in my group’s group conscience? What is my role in the group conscience process? Am I an active participant? Why or why not?
3. What is the ideal way to express oneself in a group conscience at any level?
4. How would I describe my experience with having a group conscience in my personal life/relationships? Was it positive or not? Explain.
5. How do I understand ‘authority’ and ‘responsibility’ as indicated in Service Concept Two? How do I explain “Authority carries responsibility” in all my affairs?
6. How responsible has my group been in supporting its group conscience decisions financially and/or morally? Has it been adequate?
7. In what ways is my group accountable to the Fellowship?
8. Whose authority is expressed in my relationships. My recovery?
9. How do partners/participants in a relationship express their accountability?

Summary: Decisions about service work in the Fellowship and all CoDA affairs are made through the participation of all members in the group conscience process.

Spiritual Principle(s): Group Conscience and Participation

1. What is an executive decision ? If I have experienced someone in the group making executive decisions outside of group conscience, how did this make me feel ? Why is this not appropriate?
2. Why is the group conscience decision-making process referred to as democratic? Is this different from the Community Problem Solving method ?’
3. How do I feel about sharing my opinion/thoughts during a group conscience?
4. How do I feel about sharing my opinion/thoughts in a discussion with a loved one (partner, child, sibling, parent, etc.)?
5. Why is unanimity a preferred result when voting? How is a tie resolved in a twoperson relationship?
6. What are the consequences to my personal recovery if I proceed without unanimity?
7. How can I encourage a person to speak or discourage someone who monopolizes the discussion, either in relationships or in the Fellowship?
8. What truly permits members to participate, consider, listen, reflect, pray, meditate, and deliberate respectfully when determining the proper course of action?
9. What system of checks and balances does CoDA use to protect the democratic process?
10. Are there such checks and balances in relationships with loved ones?
11. What is your experience with them?

Summary: Trusted Servants do not govern but participate in the group conscience process, thus ensuring equality.

Spiritual Principle(s): Equality & Higher Power’s Will

1. Can I describe a situation where I had an experience with a trusted
   servant whose motivations were not ideal? What impact did this have on me? My group?
2. What solution does CoDA recommend if a trusted servant is not trusted?
3. Am I intimidated by a trusted servant’s involvement in my group? If so, what solution does CoDA provide as support for individuals and groups or Voting Entities? How do I see this as being helpful for me?
4. What are some ways that I may be of service to my group? What are my motivations for doing service?
5. What role do The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions play in relation to the Twelve Service Concepts?
6. What are some of the gifts I have received from CoDA, and how have they been of benefit in my recovery and my relationships?
7. What qualifications do I have as a trusted servant? What about in my relationships? How many can I name?
8. How does my recovery support being a trusted servant? How about in my relationships?
9. When and where might I need outside help in recovery, in relationships, and in service work?
10. How do I come to terms with the understanding that there are no actual authority figures in CoDA when referring to Group Service
    Representatives, Committee Chairs, and Trustees?

Summary: We honor group conscience decisions and respect the right of individuals to petition for their point of view. When the group conscience is contrary to an individual’s own truth, we respect their right to express their minority opinion and to act according to their Higher Power’s will for them.

Spiritual Principle(s): Honor and Truth

1. How do I seek my Higher Power’s will when participating in group conscience decisions? How does Higher Power’s will apply in my recovery and in my relationships?
2. Do I have a trust issue with my Higher Power or with others? Where do I believe this originated?
3. How do I know that I am in tune with my Higher Power’s will in group conscience, in my relationships, and in my recovery?
4. When would it be important for a service worker to terminate their service commitment if they disagree with the group’s decision?
5. Is relinquishing my position the only resort if the group conscience does not agree with my opinion? Have I ever relinquished a service position when a vote went against my position?
6. What does the idea of ‘common welfare’ mean to me?
7. How openly do I honor and share my experience, strength, and hope at meetings, in relationships, at work? What would I like to improve?
8. To whom are trusted servants responsible? How would this apply in relationships?
9. Do I uphold decisions with those I am in a relationship with? What causes me the greatest struggle to do so?
10. In recovery, what resort do I have if my own truth is violated while being a member of a CoDA group?
11. Which is more important in a relationship: to honor the decisions made by the other participant or to abide by my own truth? Is there a solution to resolve that issue?

Summary: The Fellowship authorizes its trusted servants to make group conscience decisions on their behalf when necessary.

Spiritual Principle(s): Integrity and Free Choice

1. Have I had cause to express disagreement with a group conscience or personal group decision-making process? How did this make me feel? How was it received? Was I respectful and respected?
2. What does it mean to me to lose personal integrity? What is an example of when my personal integrity may not have been honored in my group, my relationships, or at work? How did this affect me? ?
3. What is my understanding of the purpose of a group conscience?
4. What is my experience of presenting or withholding my opinion of an issue for group conscience at a regular meeting? Did the situation get resolved as a result?
5. What is the best way to present an issue I wish to bring forward? Why is this important? How is this method applicable in all areas of my life?
6. What one character asset do I find most useful when I express myself openly and honestly in a relationship? How do I “honor my own integrity as well as the integrity of the other?”
7. In recovery, which character defect must I learn to moderate to best serve as a trusted servant?
8. How do I “safely express a grievance without singling out the other” in my group or in other relationships?
9. How does service work help my relationship issues?

Summary: Trusted servants given responsibility and authority, do not seek personal power through their service work, nor do they govern or control others to advance their personal agendas.

Spiritual Principle(s): Practicing Humility in Service

1. When have I witnessed emotional sobriety — including anonymity, humility, tolerance, gratitude, making amends, or forgiveness — being practiced by others? Did this bring about changes within me? If so, how?
2. What level of emotional sobriety do I feel I have achieved in my program? What helps me determine this?
3. How do I feel Service Concept Seven applies to myself, my service work, and my personal life?
4. What are some ways in which authority, will, money, property, and prestige have been an issue for me in my service work, my personal life, or at work?
5. Have I experienced situations where others have abused their power, control, authority, or prestige in their service work? In my personal life? How did this make me feel? How do I cope with this in a healthy way?
6. When has someone’s personal agenda caused me discomfort in my service work or in my relationships?
7. What tools have I learned to help me practice anonymity, humility, tolerance, gratitude, making amends, or forgiveness?
8. Is my group a safe place to practice my service work? Why do I feel this way?
9. What are the major shortcomings that prevent me from maintaining emotional sobriety in service work and in relationships? How does recovery help in this regard?
10. What gifts of recovery can I bring into my service work and my relationships?

Summary: Although the Conference holds no authority over decisions of individuals or groups, sanctions may be imposed on those who consistently violate the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.

Spiritual Principle(s): Tolerance & Consequences

1. What is the spiritual connection between myself and my Higher Power as a member of a group and in the Fellowship as a whole? What is the connection in my personal relationships and with other trusted servants?
2. What does it mean to take ownership of my responsibilities in the group or CoDA as a whole? To my family and friends? Do I meet my responsibilities better in one relationship than another? Why would this be?
3. Does my group take ownership of its responsibilities to its members and to the Fellowship?
4. Why is it important for Traditions One, Two, and Four to be respected in my group, in service work, and in my relationships?
5. What can I do if a loved one does not honor ‘unity’ and our ‘common welfare?’ What about my group or colleague?
6. Am I ready to ask my group to honor the First Tradition? Why or why not?
7. Do I understand the full impact when Traditions are broken and what consequences may result? What can I do as a CoDA member if I see our Traditions not being honored?
8. What can I say about the presence of a Higher Power when the messages of our Steps and Traditions are not being honored in service work or in my relationships?
9. What is my role when guidelines accepted by Conference are violated in my home group and subsequently affect service work?

Summary: Through the CoDA Service Conference, the Fellowship assigns tasks to committees and boards to be completed in a timely and effective manner.

Spiritual Principle(s): Wisdom and Delegation

1. What service work do I currently do (committee, trusted servant, board, etc.)? Who am I answerable to?
2. What is my understanding of the meaning of ‘common welfare’ and CoDA unity?’
3. What do I see as the role of the group and its importance within the Fellowship?
4. What effect does my service work have on my recovery? On my group and the Fellowship as a whole?
5. What do I think would happen if I decided to start doing service work for my group or for the Fellowship? What if I stopped doing service work?
   What if everyone stopped doing service work?
6. What is preventing me from volunteering to do service work? What keeps me volunteering to do service work?
7. Delegation is a useful tool to help complete specific duties or roles. How can I use this in my service work? In the context of a relationship, how does delegating help?
8. When responsibilities are delegated in relationships or the Fellowship, how does this process ensure the greater good?
9. In a relationship, as compared to a committee, is the scope of the work the partners do determined by a group conscience?
10. How are the spiritual principles of responsibility and wisdom
    expressed in my recovery?

Summary: When the CoDA Service Conference is in session, the CoDA Board of Trustees is directly responsible to the Conference. Between CoDA Service Conferences, the Trustees are assigned decision-making authority on Fellowship material matters (money, property, management) which must be ratified at the next
CoDA Service Conference.

Spiritual Principle(s): Prudent Management and Mutual Trust

1. What is this ‘inverted pyramid’ and how does this reflect the spiritual purpose of CoDA?
2. How are the Steps, Traditions and Service Concepts interconnected?
3. What is the role of Higher Power in the group, the Fellowship, and
   my recovery?
4. How can I carry or share the message within the group? Worldwide?
5. What role do I play in furthering the growth of my group?
6. What is the role of the CoDA Board of Trustees? What would be the equivalent in my home group, Intergroup, or standing committees?
7. Which Traditions are represented at the Board level of CoDA’s service structure? Why should these Traditions matter for a home group?
8. Which of the Twelve Steps reflects service work at the Conference, Board, and standing committee level? What does this mean for each member?
9. How can service work enhance individual recovery?
10. How can ‘prudent management and mutual trust’ be applied to personal relationships? What other spiritual principles might be applicable?

Summary: The CoDA Service Conference has pre-eminent authority over how CoDA is structured and determines the scope of work for the Board of Trustees and all committees.

Spiritual Principle(s): Structure and Empowerment

1. How does CoDA’s incorporation protect me, my group, or CoDA as a whole?
2. Why was CoDA incorporated? Why are the By Laws important?
3. How may the need for structure of a small CoDA group be different from that of a larger group?
4. How does my group’s organization reflect the larger CoDA Fellowship? What examples come to mind?
5. The Board has rights and responsibilities. What are my rights and
   responsibilities relating to structure and organization?
6. What would happen to my life and my relationships if structure did not exist? What would happen in CoDA?
7. When referring to rights, why do I also need to consider responsibilities? What about the other way around? Which of the Twelve Steps does this reflect? Which Tradition?
8. If any member is concerned about CoDA’s structure, how can they suggest changes?
9. Are certain powers, rights, and responsibilities enunciated here
   applicable to a relationship? Two examples are: 1) “the powers… derived from the group conscience” and 2) “Law(s)… gives legal rights and responsibilities in certain situations.”

Summary: Every CoDA member has the right to know what is happening within our organization and has a voice which they are encouraged to use.

Spiritual Principle(s): Individual Rights and Transparency

1. What have I learned about the CoDA recovery program and its spiritual principles and guidelines?
2. How would I describe the level of transparency in my home group or service group?
3. Do I feel safe to express my opinions in my groups? If not, why not?
4. How am I encouraged to use my voice within the Fellowship? In my relationships? With my Higher Power?
5. As a CoDA member, do I recognize my right to know what is happening in CoDA as a whole? How well does my group share such information?
6. Do I listen when things are shared about what happens within the
   Fellowship?
7. Do I listen to others who share at meetings, in my relationships, and with my Higher Power?
8. Do I keep myself informed about what is happening in my
   relationships?
9. Does my group promote the spiritual concepts of fairness, equality, and individual rights? Do I observe these in my relationships?
10. What does recovery teach me about those who do not practice
    equality or fairness? What is it I can do, in a healthy way, for myself?

Co-Dependents Anonymous is a fellowship of people whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and loving relationships. We gather together to support and share with each other in a journey of self-discovery – learning to love the self. Living the program allows each of us to become increasingly honest with ourselves about our personal histories and our own codependent behaviors.

We rely upon the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions for knowledge and wisdom. These are the principles of our program and guides to developing honest and fulfilling relationships with ourselves and others. In CoDA, we each learn to build a bridge to a Higher Power of our own understanding, and we allow others the same privilege.

This renewal process is a gift of healing for us. By actively working the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous, we can each realize a new joy, acceptance and serenity in our lives.

We welcome you to Co-Dependents Anonymous – a program of recovery from codependence, where each of us may share our experience, strength, and hope in our efforts to find freedom where there has been bondage, and peace where there has been turmoil in our relationships with others and ourselves.

Codependence is a deeply-rooted, compulsive behavior. It is born out of our sometimes moderately, sometimes extremely dysfunctional family systems. We attempted to use others as our sole source of identity, value, well being, and as a way of trying to restore our emotional losses. Our histories may include other powerful addictions which we have used to cope with our codependency.

We have all learned to survive life, but in CoDA we are learning to live life. Through applying the Twelve Steps and principles found in CoDA to our daily lives and relationships, both present and past, we can experience a new freedom from our self-defeating lifestyles. Our sharing helps us to free the emotional bonds of our past and the compulsive control of our present.

No matter how traumatic your past or despairing your present may seem, there is hope for a new day in the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous. May you find a new strength within to be that which God intended – Precious and Free.

1. We admitted we were powerless over others – that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other codependents, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon CoDA unity.
2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving Higher Power as expressed to our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
3. The only requirement for membership in CoDA is a desire for healthy and loving relationships.
4. Each group should remain autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or CoDA as a whole.
5. Each group has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to other codependents who still suffer.
6. A CoDA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the CoDA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim.
7. Every CoDA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
8. Co-Dependents Anonymous should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
9. CoDA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
10. CoDA has no opinion on outside issues; hence the CoDA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, television and all other public forms of communication.
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers.

Denial Patterns:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling. I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel. I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the wellbeing of others. I lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others. I label others with my negative traits. I can take care of myself without any help from others. I mask my pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation. I express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways. I do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom I am attracted.

Low Self Esteem Patterns:
I have difficulty making decisions. I judge what I think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough. I am embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts. I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings, and behavior over my own. I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person. I constantly seek recognition that I think I deserve. I have difficulty admitting that I made a mistake. I need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and will even lie to look good. I am unable to ask others to meet my needs or desires. I perceive myself as superior to others. I look to others to provide my sense of safety. I have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects. I have trouble setting healthy priorities.

Compliance Patterns:
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long. I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger. I put aside my own interests in order to do what others want. I am hypervigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings. I am afraid to express my beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others. I accept sexual attention when I want love. I make decisions without regard to the consequences. I give up my truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change.

Control Patterns:
I believe most people are incapable of taking care of themselves. I attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel. I freely offer advice and direction to others without being asked. I become resentful when others decline my help or reject my advice. I lavish gifts and favors on those I want to influence. I use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance. I have to be needed in order to have a relationship with others. I demand that my needs be met by others. I use charm and charisma to convince others of my capacity to be caring and compassionate. I use blame and shame to emotionally exploit others. I refuse to cooperate, compromise, or negotiate. I adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage to manipulate outcomes. I use terms of recovery in an attempt to control the behavior of others. I pretend to agree with others to get what I want.

Avoidance Patterns:
I act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward me. I judge harshly what others think, say, or do. I avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a means of maintaining distance. I allow my addictions to people, places, and things to distract me from achieving intimacy in relationships. I use indirect and evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation. I diminish my capacity to have healthy relationships by declining to use all the tools of recovery. I suppress my feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable. I pull people toward me, but when they get close, I push them away. I refuse to give up my self-will to avoid surrendering to a power that is greater than myself. I believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness. I withhold expressions of appreciation.

I can expect a miraculous change in my life by working the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous. As I make an honest effort to work the Twelve Steps and follow the Twelve Traditions…

1. I know a new sense of belonging. The feelings of emptiness and loneliness will disappear.
2. I am no longer controlled by my fears. I overcome my fears and act with courage, integrity and dignity.
3. I know a new freedom.
4. I release myself from worry, guilt, and regret about my past and present. I am aware enough not to repeat it.
5. I know a new love and acceptance of myself and others. I feel genuinely lovable, loving and loved.
6. I learn to see myself as equal to others. My new and renewed relationships are all with equal partners.
7. I am capable of developing and maintaining healthy and loving relationships. The need to control and manipulate others will disappear as I learn to trust those who are trustworthy.
8. I learn that it is possible to mend – to become more loving, intimate and supportive. I have the choice of communicating with my family in a way which is safe for me and respectful of them.
9. I acknowledge that I am a unique and precious creation.
10. I no longer need to rely solely on others to provide my sense of worth.
11. I trust a guidance I receive from my higher power and come to believe in my own capabilities.
12. I gradually experience serenity, strength, and spiritual growth in my daily life.