Fact or _______

How much of what I think I know is a fact, and how much is crap?

Fact : A truth known by actual experience or personal observation.

Crap: A falsehood or an exaggeration.

The child within

“…the sum of all our childhood experiences, memories, perceptions, beliefs, and emotions…the child-within, or inner-child is that part of us that carries the innocence of life, curiosity of nature, and the spirit of who we are.”

Excerpt from page 105 Codependents Anonymous Big Blue Book – third edition

What our parents say to us as children (good or bad) becomes our inner voice as adults.

Growing up… I use my history

…as babies, we don’t have any history to draw on.

…as children, we don’t have any information we can use to judge anything outside of our own environment.

For example
I was raised in a very quiet house, so if I am around loud people I make the judgement that they are too loud. I don’t consider that they might have been raised in a house where the only time you were noticed was by out-shouting someone else.

I don’t have any facts about their history, so I
…use my history.

Perception…

The shame messages we learned about ourselves are not true.

Often, it’s not what we are actually told, but a perception of what was said or who said it that we use as facts.

In order to survive, we adopt a set of skills that help us feel safe, and these are called:

Control, Low Self-Esteem, Avoidance, Denial, Compliance.

Exercise

Create a 4 column table

1). In the first column write down:
One thing “I think I know”

E.g. I have to work hard at maintaining a relationship

2). In the second column write down:
How I came to “know this”

E.g. Music, romance novels and movies taught me
that suffering means I’m in love.

Think about who or what gave you that idea. Remembering that we are born without any
judgments of ourselves, so how did you come to
this conclusion?

Hint:
In order for someone to hurt you, you must
first value their opinion. It’s only true if you’ve come to believe its true.

3). In the third column “Crap” – enter whether this is true, or false?

E.g. From our example, relationships aren’t always hard, that’s false; it’s a myth that only unhealthy people think is real.

4). Use the fourth column “Fact:” to enter the truth

E.g. From our example, if I have to work hard at upholding a relationship, I’m the only one in it.

Try for yourself:
Starting with the first column, List some things you know under: ‘What I think I know about myself’.

Just for you

Set aside everything you think you know, and start over. If you have been afraid to try something because you might fail try it anyway.

For example, if you were never good at math, take a free online course, just for yourself.

Think of something you’ve said you can’t do and do it
anyway.

Remember- it doesn’t matter if you’re not the best or the worst.

This is strictly for you- nobody else needs to know how you did.

Tips & Tricks

Don’t compare your results to anyone else, just compare yourself to yourself.

Go slow when getting out of your comfort zone.
If you don’t get an “A” that doesn’t mean you got an “F”

Pick your ‘go to’ pattern (mine was avoidance) and do the opposite for 90 days.

Practice telling the absolute truth to yourself, and
Cut the Crap!

Workshop originally presented by Karen D, 2017